All anyone could do was look out the eighth-story windows of our building as the explosions in the distance drew slowly closer.
I left all of the people standing with me and went into an empty supply room, where I took to thinking of what I should do to prepare for my death. As I realized that there was nothing I could do, I took comfort in two things. Firstly, I knew that God would take care of my soul after I died. This, of course, led to a worry of whether or not I would get into heaven. I thought of praying and asking God to ensure my soul safe passage from the earth to a better place, but I realized that God was not going to be persuaded by a dying plea. He knew whether or not I truly believed in Him and whether my soul was worthy of heaven, and either way I wasn’t going to be able to convince him one way or another simply by asking him. So my thoughts turned to another judge: myself. As I thought over the fact that I was dying so young and had been denied the opportunity to accomplish everything I had hoped to, I realized that I had managed to accomplish the most important thing I could have. I was happy with the person I had become. I was glad to be a person of integrity who takes pride in himself and pursues his goals; I realized that as far as character is concerned, I had become everything I wanted. Whether I live to be 20 or 200, I realized that the person I am truly defines my success, not the person I should be, or someday will be. At this point, I stopped worrying about dying. And as I waited, my only remaining fear was that I wouldn’t die in this moment, that I would be forced to live my last remaining days in anything less than the perfect contentment I felt.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Degrees of Precision (The Purpose of the Pelican)
The waves roll against the gray clouds and crash against the rocks. The sun has long since disappeared and the wind is blowing again, colder than before. And amidst it all, a lone pelican scours the churning sea for something to eat, doing what it must to fly again tomorrow.
What purpose is there to the pelican catching fish on the ocean? I mean, that one pelican will catch a number of fish in its life, interact with few, if any, humans, and will likely leave no lasting mark to distinguish its having ever existed. My only problem with this is the fact that a pelican is an awfully complex way of going about all this. You've got a living organism, capable of flight of all things, metabolizing resources and surviving just long enough to die... why? Seems like a rather complicated way of accomplishing nothing of significance.
I pity the pelican, leading such a meaningless life. The life of a human is so much more meaningful, our complex thoughts and feelings filling us with vindication and purpose. For some that purpose is love, others family, others money, but to everyone there is a purpose that keeps them going every day. All due to the wonderful things the pelican will never understand.
Of course, the more you think about it, the more each of our complex actions and desires can be broken down into those of the pelican. True, the pelican doesn't understand its existence, but neither do we. We work, love, and pray to survive, both now and in the future. The only difference between us and the pelican is that our ignorance has achieved an unprecedented level of precision. We look at our place in the universe and know precisely what it is we don't know: our true purpose.
All the pelican has to do is catch fish.
What purpose is there to the pelican catching fish on the ocean? I mean, that one pelican will catch a number of fish in its life, interact with few, if any, humans, and will likely leave no lasting mark to distinguish its having ever existed. My only problem with this is the fact that a pelican is an awfully complex way of going about all this. You've got a living organism, capable of flight of all things, metabolizing resources and surviving just long enough to die... why? Seems like a rather complicated way of accomplishing nothing of significance.
I pity the pelican, leading such a meaningless life. The life of a human is so much more meaningful, our complex thoughts and feelings filling us with vindication and purpose. For some that purpose is love, others family, others money, but to everyone there is a purpose that keeps them going every day. All due to the wonderful things the pelican will never understand.
Of course, the more you think about it, the more each of our complex actions and desires can be broken down into those of the pelican. True, the pelican doesn't understand its existence, but neither do we. We work, love, and pray to survive, both now and in the future. The only difference between us and the pelican is that our ignorance has achieved an unprecedented level of precision. We look at our place in the universe and know precisely what it is we don't know: our true purpose.
All the pelican has to do is catch fish.
Par 6 (And Counting)
And then you come to the green. The hole is now in sight, but between you and your goal there is no longer only distance. There's a difficult slope to read, and shooting past the hole will leave you just as far away, if not farther than you were before. And now the caddies are arguing.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Not Even Wresearched
The data in the following table was obtained by identifying the areas of research currently being pursued by major universities and research institutes (as indicated on their respective web sites). All of the institutes surveyed are known for their contributions to physics. Specifically surveyed were the programs being pursued under such categories as “theoretical physics” and “high-energy physics.” In the abstracts provided by the universities’ respective physics departments and the research groups dedicated to the above specific categories, I looked for any mention of the following:
1) “String theory”
2) “Quantum gravity”
3) Any explicit mention of a string theory alternative.
(Note: “Quantum gravity” is a term that encompasses string theory and its alternatives.)
For a major university to be devoting resources to some form of “quantum gravity” program is expected. What is interesting, however, is that most universities do not use this general term, instead referring to their research simply as “string theory.” This underscores the notion that other theories of quantum gravity are largely ignored, and that often only string theory is pursued.
Note also that the final five universities are select institutes outside of the United States, offering a brief survey of the diversity of research programs on an international level.
(Click image to enlarge.)
Observations
Universities with no X marks currently focus exclusively on experimental physics.
The University of California system is very one-sided. Only their Irvine campus even acknowledges that the field of “quantum gravity” is not simply string theory.
Only one institute, the Perimeter Institute of Theoretical Physics, explicitly supports the development of alternatives to string theory, mentioning them by name in their current research abstracts.
All other universities which claim to study “quantum gravity” mention string theory by name but do not mention any other theories by name. This suggests that they either do not pursue other areas of research, or do not publicly stand behind the alternative research being conducted.
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There is an alarming lack of diversity in theoretical physics research in the academic community.
1) “String theory”
2) “Quantum gravity”
3) Any explicit mention of a string theory alternative.
(Note: “Quantum gravity” is a term that encompasses string theory and its alternatives.)
For a major university to be devoting resources to some form of “quantum gravity” program is expected. What is interesting, however, is that most universities do not use this general term, instead referring to their research simply as “string theory.” This underscores the notion that other theories of quantum gravity are largely ignored, and that often only string theory is pursued.
Note also that the final five universities are select institutes outside of the United States, offering a brief survey of the diversity of research programs on an international level.
(Click image to enlarge.)
Observations
Universities with no X marks currently focus exclusively on experimental physics.
The University of California system is very one-sided. Only their Irvine campus even acknowledges that the field of “quantum gravity” is not simply string theory.
Only one institute, the Perimeter Institute of Theoretical Physics, explicitly supports the development of alternatives to string theory, mentioning them by name in their current research abstracts.
All other universities which claim to study “quantum gravity” mention string theory by name but do not mention any other theories by name. This suggests that they either do not pursue other areas of research, or do not publicly stand behind the alternative research being conducted.
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There is an alarming lack of diversity in theoretical physics research in the academic community.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Waiting
Maybe you're just not strong enough; maybe the repercussions, the uncertainty, and the emotional anguish will be too much to take. Maybe you're better off hurting a little bit every day so that you don't have to hurt a whole lot more for a while. Don't you believe that if you give yourself the pain, you can take it away as well? Or aren't you strong enough for that?
The day you realize you can choose your own strength will be the happiest day of your life.
The day you realize you can choose your own strength will be the happiest day of your life.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Thoughts From An Overpass (And Often Passed Over)
This is the 21st century. Where's my flying car? We're living in a future that once seemed distant, yet our dreams continue on in a future distant still. From a technological standpoint, personal transportation remains cumbersome: our cars still have wheels.
But you've got to wonder. Setting fire to a combustible liquid to turn wheels, strapping a carriage on top, and riding such a contraption across a curved concrete platform several stories up in the air... Will we ever find the technology of the day novel? Or will the days of flying cars leave people lamenting the absence of the teleporter?
But you've got to wonder. Setting fire to a combustible liquid to turn wheels, strapping a carriage on top, and riding such a contraption across a curved concrete platform several stories up in the air... Will we ever find the technology of the day novel? Or will the days of flying cars leave people lamenting the absence of the teleporter?
Friday, July 6, 2007
Anyone But You
The double-pane window
Faces the sun
And lets through it's double meaning
And I can't seem
To separate
The day from the dreaming
Her reflection
Holds a sense of direction
The hope for my cleaning
And I've gotta hold back
In the face of attack
To keep myself from screaming
Don't run away, babe
I'll make this quick
'Cause I'm god-damned tired
Of being sick
And I could lose
Anyone but you
No I won't chose
Anyone but you
Faces the sun
And lets through it's double meaning
And I can't seem
To separate
The day from the dreaming
Her reflection
Holds a sense of direction
The hope for my cleaning
And I've gotta hold back
In the face of attack
To keep myself from screaming
Don't run away, babe
I'll make this quick
'Cause I'm god-damned tired
Of being sick
And I could lose
Anyone but you
No I won't chose
Anyone but you
