Integration Is Art

I don't have the patience for homework. Once I learn something, I'm ready to move on to the next link in the chain. Or maybe the next chain over. Who knows? And what do I do instead of homework? Study. Physics, mostly. I study physics instead of doing my physics homework. Go figure. I have no intention of becoming a 'classical' physicist. The days of the well-rounded physicist are behind us. There's too much to learn if you want to contribute to the field. You have to specialize. My background will be in physics from the century I was born in.

I learn best when I have to apply knowledge I haven't acquired yet. I read the book while I'm taking the test. I use examples to solve the problems I am already accountable for. There's a sense of urgency that ties my new knowledge to experiences that are real, not contrived. In the real world I will always have my bookshelf. My computer. Let me reference, apply, and learn through experience.

I have trouble explaining to other people what it is I'm trying to do. At least, I think I do. I feel pressured to emphasize the practical applications of theorizing about realms of physical reality which humans will never know. I extrapolate history to suggest that applications will follow; they always follow. But truth be told, the applications will arise long after my satisfaction is complete. I am a practitioner of natural philosophy.

It is very humbling to work with a senior physicist. I pride myself in knowing more than I should. In answering questions with information to come later in the lecture, and in having a strong enough qualitative description of things I don't really understand to pretend that I do. And sometimes I get caught. And I learn. And it's a shame that I have to be forced to shift gears like that. I like to impress.

My health did not permit me to study over winter break. I got lost in the mud, and now I'm scared to try again. I've cleaned up. But I flirted with failure, and I'd rather hope it was a fluke than learn that it wasn't. The day I open the green book again is the day I learn more about myself than I do about Einstein notation.